I like Ikea as much as the next person, probably even more. I relied on them when I was young & broke and older & broke. Even when my bank account was healthier, I’d go to Ikea. Heck, I will even admit that a good percentage of my home is decorated by Ikea. Okay, I’m stopping now because I’m starting to sound like a stalker. I just want to be very clear about my affection towards the wonderful company of Ikea in order to avoid any future legal problems of slander, alleged slander.

Now that I have professed my undying love for the Swedish company, I will start with my grumbling.

We own two floor lamps from Ikea. Yes, they are nice looking. Yes, they were budget friendly. Yes, they serve their purpose and provide light to our otherwise dark rooms. However, these little bastards bestow light on their own terms. Every 4 or 5 months, they decide to toy with us.

It will be a normal evening and artificial light is required. A simple flip of the switch is all that is needed. Then, with a startling pop, a brief flash of light, and a mini heart attack we are engulfed in the darkness again. I know what you are thinking. Just change the light bulb, dimwit. However, the light bulb isn’t the only problem. The lamp has blown a !*@# fuse… again. The problem is a tiny little fuse. Now, I will admit that a replacement fuse is inexpensive, about 75 cents. The last time I was at Home Depot, I cleaned them out, buying every last fuse. This happens so often, it is just easier having a supply on hand. Replacing it is where the problems really begin.

First, the room is still fricken dark. “Where the heck is the flashlight?” “Where did we put our stash of fuses?” In this case, it takes two people to change a light bulb. Me, to hold the flashlight and Deutsch, to change the fuse and bulb.

Second, the box in which the dead fuse is in must be pried open. You see, this box does not open easily. It was not designed to be opened on a regular basis. Therefore, over the years this box has gone through tremendous damage. Today, they (both boxes, both lamps) are now held together with the always fashionable electrical tape.

The third and final problem is us. At this point we are so cranky, all we want to do is throw the darn thing out of the window. However, we can’t because the room is dark and we don’t know where the damn window is.

So on your next excursion to Ikea, please remember my story. I urge you not to look directly in the lighting area. Avert your eyes. Should you accidentally take a peek, fight the desire to walk into the light. It is not your time yet. Fight the temptation, go to Sears.

Here are my best dressed & worst dressed:

Best Dressed Females

1) Sandra Oh – She looked so beautiful. She didn’t pick a cookie cutter dress. She took a chance on something different and it paid off for her.

2) Keira Knightley – Beautiful and elegant as always.

3) Three way tie between Sarah Jessica Parker, Maria Bello & Renee Zellweger – Sarah looked perfect as usual, with the exception of the hair. I’m surprised she isn’t wearing a neck brace this week; Maria was also wearing something different. Just beautiful; Renee was graceful as always, but she looked so sad.

Looking at my top 3 list, I can see that my favorite color for the evening was white. Hey, no one is more surprised than moi.

Worst Dressed Females

1) Mariah Carey – Why is it that everything she wears looks whorish? It’s beautiful dress. Try to imagine it on, say, Julia Roberts. Beautiful. But on Mariah…

2) Alanis Morissette – Where do I start? The dress didn’t fit! Alanis honey, fire your stylist or if you don’t have one, get one. Tell Ryan Reynolds that he needs to tell you the truth before you walk out the door. Now, for the hair. All I have to say is in your case, brunettes would have more fun. Natural works for you.

3) Three way tie between Pamela Anderson, Ellen Pompeo (Grey’s Anatomy) & Penelope Cruz – Pam, you paid for those DDD’s, why not flaunt them?; Ellen’s dress looked like a table cloth. A very, very nice tablecloth, but in the end it’s still something people eat off of; Penelope looked like she was hiding her hair stylist under all that hair. Her dress was a miss as well. The good news is that it looked like she put a little meat on her bones.

I find it sad that two of my worst dressed are Canucks. Come on girls, you are setting a bad example. Thank goodness Sandra Oh saved the day. All in all, I have to say it is getting increasingly difficult making the worst dressed list. The gals have been so scared shitless by the media, Joan Rivers and people like me, that they are dressing safe. Well, safe is just no fun!

Best Dressed Males

1) Adrien Brody – He has a sense of style. He looks different and doesn’t care what the critics have to say. That’s plain old sexy!

2) Terrence Howard (Hustle & Flow and Crash) – He just looked so handsome.

3) George Clooney – He always looks good. It’s probably all that confidence.

I feel sorry for the men at these awards. They really only have a choice between suits and tuxedos. Yes, women really can only wear dresses, but they have choices with color, cut, length and material. Even if a women wears pants, it’s no big deal. However, if a man showed up in a skirt, a mauve tux, or a sequined tie, oh boy, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. You’re off the hook guys, I do not have a Worst Dressed list for you.

Final Comments

To Gweneth Paltrow & Rachel Weisz and the rest of the pregnant women at the GG’s, you looked beautiful. It can’t be easy trying for find a dress that makes you look regal, elegant and glamorous when you are dressing for two. Hats off to ya.

A fashion oops: Rumor has it that the vintage Chanel dress that Reese Witherspoon wore had been draped on Kirsten Dunst at a Golden Globe party three years prior. Oops!

To see the fashions for yourself, check out People magazine’s Best & Worst Dressed; People’s Best & Worst Hair and In Style’s Fashion Slideshow.

I am happy to announce that the winner is Brokeback Mountain. It swept the Golden Globes, winning four awards. I saw this movie and loved it. I highly recommend it to everyone. Yes, I admit the combination of gays and cowboys does seem to be a set up for a skit on Mad TV. However, this movie is quite the opposite. This is a love story in every sense of the meaning. I am not going to say that the fact that the two male characters in love isn't an issue, it is. That's what makes this love story so compelling. Congratulations to the director, Ang Lee, and actors, Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, for portraying a homosexual love story as real love with real feelings. I only hope with the success of this film, we, as a society will be one step closer to accepting same sex relationships and marriage. Alright, I will now step off my soap box. I just had to let that off my chest.

As for the television side of the awards, no one show dominated the stage. I must say I was elated when Canadian girl, Sandra Oh won for Best Supporting Actress for her role in Grey's Anatomy. I wanted her to win for three reasons: 1) She's talented and deserves to be recognized; 2) As I mentioned earlier, she's a Canuck; 3) I wanted to see her dress. Ok, at least 1 out of the 3 reasons is legit enough for wanting a person to win an award.

For a complete list of the Golden Globe winners, check out the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's website.

It is the most wonderful time of the year. No, I am not talking about Christmas. (Oops, I think I am supposed to say holiday season. Look at that, my first real entry and I have already opened up a can of worms. I will write about political correctness at a later date.) Let’s try this again… It is the most wonderful time of the year, Awards season! Of course, I am referring to The Golden Globe and Academy Awards. Many of you may refer to them as the fashion extravaganzas or those really, really long and boring shows with actors thanking everyone from Mrs. Henrietta Bloomberg*, their next door neighbor when they were a kid, to God, for bringing them into this world. Let’s all stand up and cheer that it’s that time of the year!

As you have undoubtedly figured out, I am a huge movie awards fan. I totally dig those long, boring speeches and the long, beautiful dresses. Luckily, my husband, Deutsch is a fan as well. Actually, he would be ecstatic if the actors didn’t utter a word or if the fashion show was not televised, but he is a true movie buff. January is always a stressful time for us. It is our mission to to see ALL of the movies that are nominated. In reality, we never accomplish the entire mission, but we do give it our best. In order to squeeze in all the movies, we have to predict what movies may be nominated. Excellent resources to help us with our mission are Oscar Watch and Meta Critic.

Here is an example to show how serious we are with this mission. We have already seen four movies in 2006 and we are only nine days into the new year. I know what you are thinking. Yes, it is an expensive hobby. In our defense, we have an addiction. It is an illness (for you South Park fans). It is difficult to kick the habit. Plus, our lives are so damn boring it is one of our only forms of entertainment. This year we have shoveled money out to King Kong, Cassanova, Match Point and The Producers. Our must-see movie list still includes: Munich, Memoirs of a Geisha, and The Squid and the Whale.

I am extremely proud to announce that we are in the best shape ever to completing our mission! Of course, the flip side is that our addiction is spiraling out of control. At least Deutsch & I are in it together. I think some may call that enabling each other. Also, in the city of Rehab Clinics, I am not aware of one dedicated to helping Oscar season junkies. In conclusion, I hope to infect all of you with this entertaining disease. Remember, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. A final note, I am not too proud to accept donations to support our habit.

*Mrs. Henrietta Bloomberg is a fictional character created for the purposes of blogging about crap.

I guess I should introduce myself. I find this exercise to be a little silly since I know that all my many readers are my family and friends. Thus, you already know who I am. However, I shall continue on with the formalities. Hi, my name is Michele. With my future posts you will slowly get to know me, my thoughts, my travels and my many obsessions. Basically it will be a more sophisticated version (I hope) of my teenage diary. It’s just not hidden in my super secret spot (under my pillow) with the pick-able lock.

The only honorable thing to do in this introduction is to make a few confessions right off the bat so there won’t be any surprises.

• I find that with many of the blogs out there in cyberspace, they have a tendency to be narcissistic. Just to let you know, I fully intend this blog to be no different.

• I dare to say that I really have no clue as to what delights I will be boring you with from one post to the next. However, it will be my personal goal in life (slight exaggeration) to keep you reading.

• From my past e-mail experience, I have discovered that I have the ability to be painfully long winded. A short story will easily become a novel. You may have already discovered that personality trait.

With all that said, consider yourself warned. This is your last chance to run in fear of the unknown.

Now that I have formally introduced myself and offered a couple of cautionary words, I welcome you to my blog … or should I say my crap.