I like Ikea as much as the next person, probably even more. I relied on them when I was young & broke and older & broke. Even when my bank account was healthier, I’d go to Ikea. Heck, I will even admit that a good percentage of my home is decorated by Ikea. Okay, I’m stopping now because I’m starting to sound like a stalker. I just want to be very clear about my affection towards the wonderful company of Ikea in order to avoid any future legal problems of slander, alleged slander.

Now that I have professed my undying love for the Swedish company, I will start with my grumbling.

We own two floor lamps from Ikea. Yes, they are nice looking. Yes, they were budget friendly. Yes, they serve their purpose and provide light to our otherwise dark rooms. However, these little bastards bestow light on their own terms. Every 4 or 5 months, they decide to toy with us.

It will be a normal evening and artificial light is required. A simple flip of the switch is all that is needed. Then, with a startling pop, a brief flash of light, and a mini heart attack we are engulfed in the darkness again. I know what you are thinking. Just change the light bulb, dimwit. However, the light bulb isn’t the only problem. The lamp has blown a !*@# fuse… again. The problem is a tiny little fuse. Now, I will admit that a replacement fuse is inexpensive, about 75 cents. The last time I was at Home Depot, I cleaned them out, buying every last fuse. This happens so often, it is just easier having a supply on hand. Replacing it is where the problems really begin.

First, the room is still fricken dark. “Where the heck is the flashlight?” “Where did we put our stash of fuses?” In this case, it takes two people to change a light bulb. Me, to hold the flashlight and Deutsch, to change the fuse and bulb.

Second, the box in which the dead fuse is in must be pried open. You see, this box does not open easily. It was not designed to be opened on a regular basis. Therefore, over the years this box has gone through tremendous damage. Today, they (both boxes, both lamps) are now held together with the always fashionable electrical tape.

The third and final problem is us. At this point we are so cranky, all we want to do is throw the darn thing out of the window. However, we can’t because the room is dark and we don’t know where the damn window is.

So on your next excursion to Ikea, please remember my story. I urge you not to look directly in the lighting area. Avert your eyes. Should you accidentally take a peek, fight the desire to walk into the light. It is not your time yet. Fight the temptation, go to Sears.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 23rd, 2006 at 2:36 pm and is filed under Grumbling. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.